Oh, Tumblr
by Alina Lassiter
Summary: Bruce learns a valuable lesson about Tumblr. One-shot crackfic.


**A/N:** Alrighty, so this story would not have happened without two totally awesome people: Ninja Giraffe and Silver Fox Animagus. I'll say more on their contributions at the bottom of this, since they're a bit spoiler-ish, but seriously, check these two out.

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Bruce's fingers worked on autopilot, and before he knew it, he was back on Tumblr. He sighed. He should have been working on some research right now. However, "should have" didn't seem to be able to cut it right now. Well...he was already there. With a quick glance to make sure nobody else was in the room, he tapped on the search bar and typed in: Tony Stark.

He gave the room another quick once-over—the disadvantage of having a hi-tech computer with a transparent screen was that literally anyone could peek at what he was doing. Sometimes he wished he was back on his own with a laptop. But not often.

If Tumblr was his guilty pleasure, he knew looking up one of his teammates was even worse. People put anything and everything up there. Bruce grimaced at a couple of posts, but there were enough giggles to make up for it. Did he say giggles? He meant—well, Stark is a funny guy.

After a couple of minutes, he came across something that made his eyebrows raise. Not in genuine surprise—he had yet to see Tony do something that truly shocked him—but this was actually pretty close. It wasn't even Photoshopped.

Bruce stayed there, staring at the picture for a good thirty seconds while his scientific mind tried to understand why on earth Tony Stark would be wearing a dress, let alone allow somebody to post it on Tumblr.

Against his better judgement, he clicked on the picture. There were copious reblogs—it was worse than some of the more—ahem—interesting pictures he'd seen. However, Bruce was curious enough and had enough time on his hands to trace it back to its original source.

Bruce's eyebrows went up once again. He could have guessed this Tumblr name even without the two minutes it took him to trace the picture. Tonystarkindrag. Seriously? People were clearly losing their creativity.

The eyebrows drew together this time. Who was this blogger? He'd seen a ton of Photoshopped pictures in his time surfing Tumblr, and he could usually tell whether or not they were real. But there were a veritable ton of photos on this blog, and unless this guy was a genius with a tablet, there was no way these could be fake. But they had to be, right?

Bruce decided to talk to Tony. He flicked the window from his computer's larger screen to his phone's—again, the same see-through technology—and set off through Stark tower on a quest to discover a strange truth.

Tony's door was slightly open, so Bruce pushed it the rest of the way, the hinges swinging soundlessly. What he saw...was something that truly shocked him.

"Tony? What the—how—even?" Bruce shook his head. "WHAT?"

Tony Stark was sitting in front of his wall-mounted computer screen. In a slinky black dress. He turned to his fellow Avenger. "Oh! Hello, Bruce."

The doctor blinked. "Tony."

"What?" he cocked his head.

"What?" was all Bruce could manage. Mentally, he had already worked out that the pictures were, in fact, legitimate, and that Tony Stark was the creator of tonystarkindrag, but his mouth wasn't currently capable of such sophistication.

"Yeah, what?" He was just sitting there, completely unconcerned about his attire.

Bruce managed to get his mouth under control—he was good at control. "Why are you in drag?" He scratched his head, further ruffling his fluffy hair. "More importantly...why are you posting it on Tumblr?"

He scoffed. "It's not as though they think it's actually me. They just think the blogger's good with computers. Which I am, by the way."

"I know." One eyebrow went up. "But why, again?"

Bruce's gaze was met by Tony's—very steady, and very amused. "It's interesting. And I'm bored."

"So it occurred to you to dress in drag and put it on Tumblr?"

Tony put up his hands, palms towards Bruce in mock surrender. "Hey, hey, no need to go green on me. I was bored. Things happen when I'm bored."

"You're wearing consume jewellery."

"Hey, nobody says I do anything halfway. And come on, Bruce. I'm a creative person. Just be glad I didn't start a web series cosplaying as Captain Stark and Spangled." He paused. "Because I did consider that."

Should he walk out of the room now and find unicorns in the hallway? Because Bruce was fairly sure he should be dreaming right now. "Don't you have anything better to do? Like saving the world or picking on children?"

Tony considered it for a second. "Well, I saved the world yesterday. Today, I felt like wearing a dress."

Bruce did not know how to reply to that.

"Oh come on, Banner. You know you like it." Was it this man's goal in life to make Bruce uncomfortable?

"Um," was the only sound be could produce.

"Besides, it's not as though anybody takes this seriously. I mean, I'm Tony Goddamn Stark. People expect this kind of thing."

Bruce closed his eyes, shook his head once or twice before replying. "Um...okay. Let me just go back to the lab and...and...forget this ever happened."

Tony got up, and Bruce had to admit, that dress fit him impeccably. How Stark pulled it off, he had no idea. "Aw, don't leave, Bruce. We can pose together! I'm sure I have something in your size."

Before Bruce could reply, something crashed through the window in the adjacent room. Tiny shards of glass even made it through the doorway, such was the force of impact. Immediately, his blood pressure soared and he nearly started getting a little green. However, Tony would certainly kill him if he hulked out in his room, no matter the danger.

"Behind me!" Before Bruce could move, Tony was in front of him, fists up. If that thing was as formidable as that crash made it sound, Bruce was doubtful a punch would take it out. The action was admirable, though, and despite the danger, Bruce did feel some amusement at the fact that Tony Stark was currently his knight in spiky heels.

Bruce was not at all prepared for what came—no, sauntered—out of the adjoining room. Loki leaned against the wall, in a shimmering forest green dress that very nearly put Tony's to shame. He ran a hand through wind-tousled hair and said three words that seriously should never again come from his mouth. "I'm ready, Tony."

Tony glanced backwards at Bruce, and his face was entirely slack with shock. "I honestly didn't think this was possible."

Loki batted his eyelashes at the billionaire. "Oh yes it is, mortal. I have seen your Tumblr and I have been pleased."

There was complete silence from Tony. For once in his life, Tony Stark had been rendered speechless. Bruce could only stare at the scene unfolding in front of him.

"Hmm..." A feral smile curled the god's mouth. "It seems you are not prepared for this." He flipped his hair, well, flippantly. "I could come back..."

"Wh—" the sound died in Tony's mouth.

Loki quirked an eyebrow. "It seems you are not graced with my tongue of silver, after all."

"—the fuck?" he managed to finish.

"Oh, I see. Your mouth is much coarser than mine. I like it rough."

Bruce just stood there in the background, completely dumbfounded. He finally managed to form words. "I...I think I'm going to stay off Tumblr for a few days."

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**A/N Continued: **Aaaand, there we go! Now I can finally get around to thanking people. There's a vaguely amusing story behind this story. Ninja Giraffe and I were talking about the Robert Downey Jr. tag on Tumblr, and how people are putting his face on pinup drawings. Well, she wanted me to make one of them, and since I was too lazy to get out my computer, I decided to appease her with writing of her choice. You can see how that worked out.

Silver Fox Animagus helped with a few important details. She's responsible for "Captain Stark and Spangled", as well as Loki's appearance in a dress.

Well, I hope you enjoyed! Make sure to review, I'd love to hear from you!


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